How to avoid ‘holiday burnout’ and the guilt of saying no

Are you ho-ho-ho-verwhelmed with holiday time commitments?

You’re not alone.

New research shows how much pressure we tend to put on ourselves come the holiday season. A study published Monday by the American Psychological Association found that 77% of respondents accept an unwanted invitation solely to avoid ramifications for missing it.

Doing so is a fast track to exasperating yourself to the point where you probably won’t even enjoy the most wonderful time of year, according to lead study author Julian Givi, an assistant professor at West Virginia University.

“Burnout is a real thing, especially around the holidays when we are often invited to too many events,” he said.

“Don’t be afraid to turn down invitations here and there,” Givi added. “But, keep in mind that spending time with others is how relationships develop, so don’t decline every invitation.”

Givi’s team conducted five social experiments involving more than 2,000 total participants.

One test centered on a Saturday dinner invite to a local restaurant with a celebrity chef, while another was a couples survey.

“Across our experiments, we consistently found that invitees overestimate the negative ramifications that arise in the eyes of inviters following an invitation decline,” Givi explained.

“People tend to exaggerate the degree to which the person who issued the invitation will focus on the act of the invitee declining the invitation as opposed to the thoughts that passed through their head before they declined.”

If you’re already booked out the wazoo this month, don’t think twice about saying “How ’bout no!” to plans.

“The negative ramifications of saying no are much less severe than we expect,” said Givi.

“While there have been times when I have felt a little upset with someone who declined an invitation, our research gives us quite a bit of good reason to predict people overestimate the negative ramifications for our relationships.”

Ways to avoid holiday burnout

Psychologist Matthew Sacco, of the Cleveland Clinic, has addressed what spurs burnout and stresses during the holidays.

“It’s not specifically the stress itself that’s a problem. Rather it’s more about what’s causing us to kind of have that reaction,” he said on a 2021 podcast episode. “I think that to start with, one of the most important things to recognize is a lot of the stress can come from a change in routine. The typical what we expect day to day, it gets thrown off.” 

Sacco advises having healthy talks with yourself and others to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

“Maybe having some conversations that include asking your family what do they want to do this holiday? What are the important pieces that they want to make sure are a part of their holiday season?” Sacco added.

“And then taking the steps, obviously the best you can, to make that happen. So sometimes it’s ahead of time learning to say no.”

When “no” isn’t an option, Sacco recommends taking little moments to appreciate the positives — such as being with loved ones you might not always get to see.

If you’re feeling tightly wound at an event, particularly one you have to host, Sacco suggests finding a good excuse to go outside and blow off some steam.

“It allows you to focus on the important pieces, for most people what’s deemed to be the most important, which is to create a scenario where people do enjoy themselves and ultimately want to come back, want to do it again, look forward to it,” he reasoned.