Have you been pooping wrong your whole life? Doctor reveals ‘hack’

It’s a case of form following (bodily) function.

Apparently, most people — at least in Western countries — have been pooping wrong their entire life.

A UK TikTok doctor is making a splash online after revealing the correct technique for unleashing the “kraken” — which involves finding the perfect angle of ablution, as seen in a poo-torial with over 126,000 views.

This advice was posted by NHS surgeon Dr. Karan Rajan — @dr.karanr on the platform — who has amassed 5.1 million followers by offering advice on uncomfortable and even taboo medical topics.

His past medical PSAs have included tips on gauging someone’s penis length without a ruler and reasons to never hold in farts.

In his latest slightly cringe-worthy video, the good doctor explains how to have a “truly wonderful dump” without a “squatty potty” — the floor-level toilet that’s standard in Asian countries from China to Pakistan.

“Focus on the angles, particularly the angle between your abdomen and your thighs,” Dr. Rajan explains alongside animations demonstrating proper toilet technique. “Make this as small as possible.”

He added, “You can reduce this thigh torso angle by leaning forwards when unleashing the brown kraken.”

The doctor says poopers should combine this with raising their heels so they’re leaning on the balls of their feet and thereby placing their knees above their hips.

This elevated poo-sition can also be accomplished by resting one’s feet on a rolled-up towel, per the clip.

What’s the point of this veritable bathroom yoga routine?

Dr. Rajan explains: “The puborectalis, the muscle that wraps around the rectum is now relaxed, causing the rectum to straighten, and giving you a smoother exit.”

His advice jives with that of numerous excremental experts, who suggest that squatting should be the modus operandi when it comes time to let loose.

In a 2015 interview with The Guardian, Giulia Enders, the author of “Gut: The Inside Story of Our Body’s Most Underrated Organ,” explained that there is even an important case study supporting this position: all the Eastern countries that don’t have the problems posed by Western pooping posture.

She declared: “1.2 billion people around the world who squat have almost no incidence of diverticulosis [a condition that occurs when pouches in the bowel become inflamed, leading to abdominal pain, constipation, and rectal bleeding] and fewer problems with piles [hemorrhoids].”

By contrast, people in the West “squeeze our gut tissue” while going number 2 like a gastrointestinal Gordian knot, she explained.

Squatting is more efficient as well. 

A 2012 study published in the Digestive Diseases and Sciences journal, found that people who squatted on a 12-inch toilet took 51 seconds to poop, while bathroom-goers who sat sans crouching on a 16-inch toilet took a staggering 130 seconds.

Proper pooping has been a much-disputed subject of late.

In March, a Canadian gut health nutritionist divided viewers after claiming that people who poop less frequently than once a day are literally full of crap as they’re not properly flushing the system.

However, according to gastroenterologists, pooping anywhere from several times a day to once every two or three days is considered normal.

Meanwhile, a UK urologist blew people’s minds after letting it leak that it’s healthier for men to sit down to urinate because it better facilitates the flow.